My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Fuck appropriateness.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
