I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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