Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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