Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
