bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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