I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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