I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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