Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The air was thick with penises
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
