she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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