So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
