Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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