i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
