at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
