She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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