I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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