you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
