I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He did a backflip because drugs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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