Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
