I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
