...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
