I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
