After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
