Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My feet surprised me
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