I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
