My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
