You're so nebulous sometimes
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
