what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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