i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
