Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
