Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
two words: eviction party
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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