well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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