I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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