and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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