i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
someone owes me an orgasm
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
