you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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