Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

zippers are such a cool invention

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(240): View more from Maryland

I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.

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(661): View more from California

Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.

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(516): View more from New York

The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.

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(925): View more from California

I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.

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(714): View more from California

All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.

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(805): View more from California

The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s

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(801): View more from Utah

Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...

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