If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
