So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
