Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
