Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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