So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
