im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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