I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
