Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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