Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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