So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
