i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
