u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
