go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
two words: eviction party
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
