They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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