i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
