Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
