this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
