He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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